What is PDA?
For the most part during this post I will be referring to pathological demand avoidance as PDA.
Pathological demand avoidance is a pattern of behaviour in which a person (usually an autistic person) will go to extreme lengths to ignore or avoid anything they perceive as a demand.
Many autistic people who deal pda perceive demands as a loss of autonomy. Meaning it can feel although we do not have control over our own selves. Also note that what one person may feel is a demand, another may not.
Such as the need to brush your teeth in a morning, someone who doesn’t struggle with PDA won’t view that as a demand, but someone who does, may view this is a big demand and attempt to avoid it.
If something is perceived as a demand, the autistic person will avoid doing it, even if they wanted to do the task.
It can be avoiding watching a tv show you have been really excited about if someone tells you to watch it, or avoiding trivial routines such as brushing your teeth or making your bed.
Being “given a demand” when you have pda can also trigger your flight, fight, freeze and fawn responses causing mood fluctuations and intense anxiety. Which further pushes the person to avoid the perceived demand.
I use the term “perceived” because more often than not, the thing they are viewing as a demand, isn’t actually one.
Examples of Pathological Demand Avoidance
Avoiding going to bed to avoid sleeping
Avoiding regular day to day “demands” such as brushing your teeth, making your bed or cooking a meal
Not watching a tv show you want to watch because you have been told to watch it
Refusing to eat a meal given to them because they didn’t ask for it
Not using a new item you have been looking forward to using because the pressure to do so feels like a demand
Writing your to-do list, and refusing to do any of it now it feels like a demand
Going to a task such as washing the pots, then refusing to do so because someone asked you to in the same moment.
Ways the person will avoid the demand
Direct refusal, such as saying no
Making excuses to avoid the task, and often these can be completely made up imaginative excuses such as “I can’t do that because my legs are broke” even though they aren't .
Making excuses such as “i’m too tired” or “that’s not my job”
Avoidance with “i’ll do it later” with no intention of actually doing it
Running away, falling to the ground, becoming floppy
Ignorance, or pretending you didn’t hear the “demand”
Not every autistic person deals with PDA but it is extremely common and it’s important to remember that they are not purposefully doing it, it’s often involuntary and it’s just as bothersome to the individual as it is to anyone else.
Hope this was helpful!
Have a super good day!
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